On my Radio Show last week, I shared some ideas about love and relationships. After doing hundreds of readings over the years, I’ve noticed some common mistakes we make in love. Now, I’m no relationship expert, but over time I have come to see what really doesn’t work. Alot of good-hearted people are walking around wondering why they can’t maintain close friendships, let alone intimate relationships. It can be frustrating when you’re very willing but unsure of what changes you need to make.
So here are the Top 5 mistakes I see people making. If you want more personal advice, contact me for Spiritual Life Coaching so we can get you rightly aligned and living your best love life!
1. Your attitude and the words your choose: Critical and complaining attitudes block people from being intimate with you. Why? Because they know they can’t trust you with their heart. Who wants to be vulnerable with a person who never has anything nice to say? If you’re always complaining about life, you can count on there always being something to complain about. Complaining people are always unhappy with themselves and others. Also, watch who you associate with! If your constant companions are always depressed and disappointed with their lives, these attitudes can rub off on you. That negative energy will surround you like a toxic cloud. Remember, birds of a feather flock together! Your mates are your mirror!
2. Being a HATER: A Hater can’t stand for anyone else to be blessed. They never give compliments, and always throw shade on your blessings. A Hater is really a very passionate, undercover lover. They’re usually very insightful and perceptive, but because good things aren’t happening in their lives they can’t bring themselves to congratulate you. If you find yourself privately saying things like,”Why is that person is in a relationship and I’m not? They’re so fat, ugly, lazy, cheap etc…” Then you, my friend, are a hater. Start blessing others and showing love so that the Universe can start blessing you too!
3. TMI: Sharing too much of your private life with others, especially on social media is a game killer. If you have a problem and need to vent, then open an anonymous account and have at it. But if you think its cute to share all the personal details of your life, think again. I’ve seen it all too often. People who have shared so much of their personal struggles and ending up having to shut down their accounts. After a while, other people see them as pitiful entertainment – interesting to watch but definitely not someone they want to be close too. I mean think about it, what SANE person would sign up for that? If you’re going to share all the dirty details of your own life, they rightfully assume that you’ll do the same with them. Be mindful of the impression you’re giving, especially if you truly desire more love in your life.
4. A toxic lifestyle: This means working too much, playing too much and also includes hoarding. Making space for a partner requires you to acknowledge that you have needs. Remaining a workaholic, a playboy or a hoarder tells the universe that you are unwilling to be fully present for partnership. Some of the most stubborn people are in this group. These folks are the most resistant to change because to give up their ways means giving up an entire lifestyle – and that can feel like a death. True love requires us to make our partner’s comfort in the relationship a priority. That means being accountable and sensitive to the Other’s time, feelings and personal space. When you place work, things or excessive play on the top of your list ~ your chances of finding lasting romantic happiness are slim to none.
5. Dysfunctional relationships: Staying in bad relationships closes the door to finding lasting love. Now I know this sounds like common sense, but it’s probably the most common reason why people are dissatisfied with life. When you stay in a bad relationship because you don’t want to be alone or because you feel sorry or guilty for the other person ~ you’re acting out of fear. You’re blocking the way for the Divine Right choice to show up for you AND for the person you’re with. Moving on and letting go may not be easy, and may take some time. But if you’re serious about living a vibrant healthy life, full of love and positive self-expression, it’s time to get honest with your partner, and most importantly with yourself. Once you start moving in integrity, your next steps will become clear to you. But as long as you’re living the lie, you’ll remain stuck and dissatisfied.
There is ALWAYS an exception to the rule! I’ve seen the most obnoxious people with a steady stream of loyal friends and lovers and people always wonder how they do it. The WILDCARD is self-love. Usually these people were given the message early that they were completely loveable whatever they did, and they believed it. I mean they truly believe it deep down. And because of that conviction, life generally confirms their belief ~ often to the amazement of others.
When you truly love yourself, your energy is attractive, magnetic. Your aura draws people to you because they want some of whatever you’ve got to rub off on them. When you know your value and honor yourself, it’s impossible to keep people away from you.
So how do you activate your own wildcard? Well loving yourself requires you to develop selfishness and set clear boundaries. There’s this “thing” in human psychology that gets turned on a little bit by things being unavailable. When something we want is in out of our price range or in limited edition, it causes a slight pressure in our very souls! Something in us says, “I’ve got to have it!”
I can FEEL all the people pleasers beginning to shut down, but hang in there with me! I want you to really stay with me on this. You who are so fast and loose with your love, time, attention and goodies and you’re still not happy ~ this message is especially for YOU!
When you don’t know your worth, you don’t make wise decisions about who should be around you. Since you have no boundaries, people generally take from you without consideration. If you have ever wondered why you never get back all that you give, it’s because you don’t value what you’ve got. The law of attraction is always in effect. If you don’t value yourself, no one else will either. You’ll attract people who take advantage of you and you’ll even attract “unlucky” situations that will have you scratching your head.
So when you’re ready to change the game, start taking inventory in your life about what’s working and what’s not. And don’t forget to side eye any person in your life who is a Hater or a Debbie Downer. You may have to make some serious cuts if you want to play your wildcard!
Remember, there’s no judgement here, only love! Reach out to me online and let me know if this has been helpful to you. I’d love to hear from you! May you bountifully and beautifully blessed with love overflowing!